Lesson Number 1

Last night we attended our first NCT / Antenatal class at the Hospital where i am due to give birth, now i know people have mixed feelings about these classes for various reasons, I have heard some women say they are a waste of time as information on all aspects of the birth is so readily available in books / online, some say organised classes are their definition of hell,  other women said they made new friends at their classes that have endured as they were experiencing the madness of childbirth and having a new born at similar times, so i entered the class (with the boyfriend in tow) with much trepidation, all of these opinions spinning in my head, and found myself too scared to look around too much in case the other bump-carriers suspected me of being a saddo desperate to make new friends!

The first thing on my mind (as a mature young woman with only 6 weeks till D-Day) was to check out the size of the other bumps, and how they were faring in the weight gain and maternity wear stakes, without making eye contact or looking too much like a nosy parker, a skilled task i can tell you, had i been properly prepared i would have worn thick rimmed glasses, i imagine they allow for much more under the radar snoopage ?

Of course i could have just come out and told people i was conducting research for my blog, but the boyfriend would have left me immediately, and lets face it, i don't want people to hate me yet, they don't even know me, plenty of time for that. 

My main observation is that a large proportion of the ladies in attendance were wearing trousers in various permutations, lots of jeans (possibly maternity versions, worn with long tops) a fair few smart trousers (am assuming they had come straight from work, which reminded me how lucky i am that i can pretty much wear what i like for work...within reason, but without the constraints of having to wear a suit/suit trousers) there were even some printed Palazzo pants (she was young, it was warm, and this is Liverpool, nothing gets between a girl and her fashion!) interestingly enough very few leggings, i wonder if at this point in time, like me, the comfy-ness of leggings is outweighed by the unflattering sight of pregnant thighs encased in elasticated cotton?? I will admit to owning/wearing one pair pair of black leggings during my pregnancy but they have always been relegated to being worn as more of a thick footless tight, under dresses.

Just when i thought it was safe to assume all the bumps in attendance were 33/34 weeks like me, they sent around a register to sign, on which you were required to fill in your due date, thank fully one of my super powers is “speed reading” which was put to great use, i quickly scanned up and down the list and saw due dates of mid July, a whole month after me....furiously i tried to count backwards around the couples to work out who was only 6 months pregnant and see how big/small they were...the boyfriend quickly cottoned on to my madness, so i passed the register on and continued my “research” in silence.

I am OBSESSED in how far along other people are in their pregnancies, i even get annoyed when the newspapers gratuitously add on weeks to celebrity bumps, according to one news website Victoria Beckham is 7 months already, which makes me stare at the photographs of her in sky scraper Louboutins and skinny jeans even more intently, wondering where i went wrong, am sure she is only 6 months....but dont get me started!!

I digress. NCT classes are described as "parent craft and relaxation" but thanks to the multitude of books i have consumed i was prepared for the sight of the Midwives box of tricks, which included a model of a pelvis, two dolls, a teacosy (which turned out to be a knitted vagina) a hook on a stick (for breaking waters) and a cervical dilation gauge...all of which she demonstrated and were passed around to much nervous giggling.


The main thing i learnt? that i have a LOT to learn,  I know the ins and outs of how the baby moves down the birth canal, how the baby knows to TURN to fit through the pelvic bone!!! and what a "show" involves,but learning these things brought it home to me how many aspects of this weird and wonderful process i am yet to experience.


On a lighter note, after an over dinner discussion about body proportions, how your wing span is approximately the same length as our height, and if you multiply the length of your head roughly 8 times it should be equal to your height, the tape measure was turned on me and my ludicrous waistline, which currently stands at 40"...which gives me the Body Mass Index of a weeble, help!