Sitting Duck

I turned on my laptop this morning and the first thing that popped up was a reminder for tomorrow I set 6 months ago

"18th June Baby Due"

In hindsight it probably wasn't necessary to set a reminder, its not something you can forget, especially with a bump this size, which by the way you don't get used to, i added yet another scratch to my bump using a kitchen drawer today, i forget it sticks out a good few inches from the rest of my body.

In official terms i am 24hrs away from my due date, unofficially i cant see this little one making an appearance on time, if this baby is anything like its mummy it will be fashionably late! The feeling of waiting for a baby to arrive is very strange, its entirely out of your control as to when and where, but it hasn't stopped me going out yet  (i hear if your waters break in John Lewis you get gift vouchers, and in Tesco you get a years supply of nappies, so i may just spend tomorrow going from one store to the other!)

I have made food related attempts to bring on labour (hot thai green curry/raspberry leaf tea) as well as making sure i keep moving about, i have also showed the bump around its gorgeous new bedroom in an attempt to entice it out (at this point i am past caring that i sound and look like a crazy person, i walk like one so i might as well go the whole hog) so i tell the amazing little alien kicking about inside my overly stretched stomach everyday how excited everyone is to meet it, but still no movement, its been suggested my sweet tooth  (which has spiralled out of control, yesterday i fancied Mr Kipling jam tarts, but this week has also seen me eat Battenburg, chocolate fudge cake and homemade scones) may be encouraging the little one to stay put, its cozy, warm and VERY well fed, who would want to vacate??

Speaking on eating habits, they inevitably lead to me thinking about / moaning about weight gain. I have been relatively lucky in the past with my metabolism allowing me to indulge more than occasionally and staying at roughly the same weight, i fear i am about to get the shock of my life.
I wont divulge exactly how much i weight i have gained (i may do post birth) am not that brave yet, but what i will say is i feel an urgency to lose it, for reasons of vanity, sanity and wardrobe utilisation....now of course Ive heard every possible piece of advice on this matter, the most frequent one being that I shouldn't be worrying about my weight, i should be concentrating on the baby, well of course i plan to concentrate on the baby, i have just spent the last 9 months growing a mammoth bump in which to house it, planning and preparing for its every need and worrying every time i don't feel regular kicks, i merely intend to eat more healthily, cut out the refined sugar (bye bye Battenburg, au revoiur Mr Kipling) and exercise as much as possible.

Now before those in the know (yes you, mummies) laugh at my naive ramblings, i know these good intentions aren't going to become a reality straight away, sleep deprivation and the general whirlwind of having a new baby will put paid to that, but i don't see the harm in making my future intentions known, i believe its known as Positive Mental Attitude!

I am off to spend day 10 of Maternity leave padding around the house, cleaning, occasionally flinching from Braxton Hicks, chatting to the bump and making the most of the time i have left on my own with unlimited access to refined sugar

I will keep you posted

x

Crib Sheet

It took about 7 months, but eventually i saw the domino effect of my pregnancy that I am told all pregnant women notice, and all of a sudden lots of women around me announced they were pregnant, there is something quite special about sharing baby news when you`re expecting yourself.

I have been asked by one friend to compile a crib sheet of pregnancy style essentials, while putting this together it naturally expanded into all the items that actually helped me through my pregnancy, food, cosmetics etc and i think they are worth a mention too, mainly because i have been told i will forget all of these details as soon as the baby arrives.

Like i have said before, i jumped into pregnancy suitable clothing very early, comfort has always been a big factor in my day to day wardrobe ( i know, i know, as someone who works in fashion this is a sin to admit to) but its true. I also put a lot of weight on early days, which rendered a huge portion of my wardrobe useless, the first casualties were my jeans and trousers, i didn't purchase any maternity jeans, my feelings on this decision in hindsight?? a possible mistake, although in my defence the only Maternity jeans i wanted were J Brand, a big expense and my thighs and bottom are much bigger than pre pregnancy, so buying my own size jeans in a maternity style would have meant they wound up being too small,  but i could have bought a pair in the correct size at 5 1/2 - 6 months, or got off my high horse and bought a pair from Topshop Maternity.

Vanity led me to avoid leggings as much as possible during my pregnancy, i can count on 2 hands the total amount of time i wore them (in public) my legs have never been my best feature and pregnancy hasn't helped this, so they wont feature on my personal crib sheet, although had the latter stages of my pregnancy been in winter, rather than spring this may have been different, as black pregnancy leggings layered up with long jersey / knitwear and my Acne boots may have been a good look, the way my pregnancy fell meant i didn't need to buy a pregnancy suitable coat, but i will be keeping a close eye on my fellow bump carriers choices, my money is on wrap styles.

Over the past few weeks my wardrobe has been squashed down to a capsule of approximately 6-8 pieces, i should frame them but all i want to do is burn them on a bonfire, am so sick of wearing them!

This isnt the definitive list, and i imagine i will add to this but my essentials included

• Alexander Wang T or Topshop black jersey maxi dresses worn with Topshop grey jersey cropped ribbed long sleeve top and cropped Day Birger et Mikkelsen leather jacket layered over, good for covering my arms, as well as balancing out my changing shape.
• Falke black tights, after month 6 you will need pregnancy tights for comfort
• Beige food. This started out as a joke, that i craved only beige food (potato cakes/croissants/sui mai) and may have contributed to my weight gain, but boy did they stave off the hunger pangs and nausea
• The Body Shop coconut cream, not only is the smell incredible, like beach holidays which conjure up happy thoughts, but its meant my bump is very smooth and soft ( i also have no stretch marks, but this could be luck / good genes) 
• Dream Genie pillow, i cant say enough about the wonders of this curved pillow, one problem? i may never stop using it!
• Pedicures. Not a luxury, but an essential as i cant physically paint my toe nails myself. And the heavier i have become the more necessary it is to look after my tootsies, they are after all taking the brunt of the extra weight. 
• H&M Mama maternity black stretch vests. Dont ask why, just buy at least 2 of these, you wont be sorry.
• Bloch Ballet pumps, a lifesaver now that my feet are officially a size bigger, the scrunched elastic detail stretches to accommodate my poor swelled feet
• H&M (elasticated back) tapered cuffed ankle trousers in black and khaki, these trousers looked great with my ankle boots (pre swelling) sandals on warm days and even heels on brave nights, they have been my saviour, and worn more times than i can count. i owe them big time.
• M&S Brazilian lace trimmed knickers. for when the bump gets big and only low rise knickers can be worn as anything else roll down to create a hula hoop effect around your bottom, these are comfortable, reasonably priced, and quite nice looking, unlike most maternity items, i also bought all of my maternity bras in M&S, i bought only a couple each time (one white/one black), as you grow out of them very quickly and have to replace them.
• Cotton Pyjamas with an Aline adjustable strap top and elastic seam under the bust....i was given a pair that should be issued to all pregnant women, as they are so perfect in shape and flattering on the bump (even now)

Looking over this i have realised how very low maintenance my pregnancy has been and how little i have wasted on a maternity wardrobe (there are other things i have bought that didn't feature on this list, as i could have lived without them, but nothing bank breaking) am surprised, and a little disappointed at myself, i know the boyfriend was bracing himself for diva behaviour that never surfaced, i feel like i have let the side down!

I have been advised to purchase plenty of nice pyjamas and lounge wear, as visitors come thick and fast post baby, and i will still be a chub rock (the boyfriends words, not mine) and will want to feel nice,  this is my "couch task" for the next few days, God Bless the Internet

I want to hear the best bits

I was given a piece of advice at the beginning of my pregnancy that rightly or wrongly i ignored, the advice was "don't read any of the books" I was given all the books i have, so one excuse i have is that i didn't actively go out and purchase them, and to be fair the first few months of my pregnancy i devoured them, most of them have a week by week account of what to expect, including side effects, and regardless of how many nieces / nephews i have (7) how many of my friends that have children (the majority) i have never actually lived daily through someones pregnancy so 99% of the information was news to me. I also joined http://www.babycentre.co.uk/ who send you a weekly update detailing approximate size & weight of your
baby (with lots of vegetable comparisons) and what developmental stage your unborn is at, which i loved,

I don't ever comment or ask questions on the online forums but there were occasions i looked through other discussions of other mum-to-be and found useful answers (much to the amusement of my elder relatives who scoff at the thought of using the internet to find answers to pregnancy or medical related questions...."what did we do before the internet????" they say, i have genuinely NO idea, lie awake worrying? ask a neighbour?
I do have concerns the information available online can fuel some womens fears, especially those with even slight hypochondriac tendencies and have warned a newly pregnant friend to avoid Google to avoid any irrational worrying, your midwife is there for any questions you have, at my Hospital they encouraged you to call them should we be worried, as its better safe than sorry.

So this is were i am at, books read, almost everything prepared, Braxton Hicks kicking in every night (for those unfamiliar with the term these are pains downstairs brought on by my uterus contracting in preparation for labour, which i have to be truthful feel like mini lightening bolts where the sun don't shine) and Edema (more commonly known as swelling / water retention) in full force on every limb, putting a cup of tea down on the patio yesterday i was told i looked like an Olympic weight lifting champion, on the bright side at least i am of Olympic standard, heaven forbid i just look like a weight lifter!

But I have a complaint to make, I am now 10 away from my due date, and on day 3 of official Maternity leave, which feels a bit like a holiday, but with a hint of guilt attached (cleaning eases the guilt, and they say cleanliness is close to godliness, which makes me practically angelic these days, my friend insinuated last week my oven was far too clean to be used regularly, in my new role as a stepford wife i took this as a huge compliment) my complaint is that i have heard, read about and lived through the negative side to pregnancy, i am having to remind myself there is soon to be a little bundle of wonder less to make it all worth while.

I can list the negatives related to having a baby off by heart, starting with the below...

* Weight gain ( and never regaining pre baby figure)
* Pain
* Lack of sleep (pre and post baby)
* Strained relationships
* Career implications
* Impossible life juggling

Am i being naive but are things really going to be that bad? does the good not out weigh the bad? I have read so many articles about "Women who want it all" those who dare to juggle motherhood and home life with a career, and dare i suggest it, a life of their own, and rarely do the stories i read have a happy ending, am pretty sure daytime television watching and Daily Mail online reading has accelerated these feelings but I am  worried sick i am hurtling towards becoming a a bitter, overweight, neurotic, Jeremy Kyle watching, Loose Women quoting elasticated waistband wearing slummy mummy....and i havent even had the baby yet...I need some warm fuzzy thoughts sent my way, pronto.

Scone Eating Contest

So baby is facing the right way thanks to Dr I and we have completed the NCT / Antenatal course. Hospital visits have been frequent this week, Doc took a preventative step by giving me a cervical suture to keep baba in place back in January, and it was time for this to be removed, I was given Gas & Air, which gave me a little taster of what to expect, i can only liken the feeling to very short term intoxication, which passes pretty much as soon as you stop inhaling, and then we have been on several foetal monitors to check our little one is happy and comfortable  (which it seems he/she is, having kicked like a kung fu fighter through my pregnancy the midwife had said the movements should stay strong and frequent, baby may have less room but this doesn't restrict baby from wriggling)

This weekend it was time for the Scone Eating contest, some may call this my baby shower, but i felt slightly diva-ish calling it that, Scone Eating contest sounded much more relaxed, not to mention tasty.
Thrown by my lovely Mum and sisters it involved my closest friends and female members of my family joining me to dig into a wonderful spread....including plenty of Joan`s now legendary scones (weighed down by a ton of strawberries, jam & clotted cream...I think i may have taken the prize for eating the most scones, although i has STIFF competition, you know you are!!)
Baby showers may be an idea we Brits have stolen from American movies, but i think having a girlie pre-baby gathering is a brilliant idea, it was the perfect opportunity to catch up with my friends (those with children are known as the Mummy Council, i tried my best not to bore them with too many quick fire baby questions) the whole day was lovely, very civilised (one of my dearest friends arrived clutching 2 home made Lemon drizzle cakes, which made me giggle, until recently the only thing she would have brought to a party was a large bottle of chilled Sauvignon and taxi fare home, how times change?) And yes, i received some incredibly generous presents, lots of teeny tiny white things, which are now hanging on teeny tiny white hangers in babies wardrobe, which i keep sneaking a little look into, just to check they look as cute as i remember.

It was time for my final Hypnobirthing sessions this weekend, boyfriend joined in on one session, my "Guru" thinks its a good idea for him to see exactly how the process works, so i don't freak him out attempting to self hypnose during my early labour, thankfully he is very open minded so plonked him self on the couch next to me, shut his eyes and listened. I think he relaxed a little much, about 20 minutes in, prompted by the light snoring i could hear, i had to stop the session to check he was still awake!! Although when tested on what had been said he passed with flying colours...i stand corrected.
Boyfriend wasn't invited to the final session as this involved talking me through the final stages of labour, the baby working its way down the birth canal, the language used is very flowery and not at all graphic, but i felt it wasn't necessary for him to hear the actual visualisations, he is open minded but there are limits.

Now i am repeatedly told Labour strips you of your modesty, but we have already made the decision by mutual agreement that during my labour as the the midwife will be down the business end he will stay up by my head.....or as football fans in Liverpool call it, the Gwladys Street or Kop End.

As promised....the drama of week 37

In medical terms i am 37 + 3 ( 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant) in the past 7 days i have been back and forth to the hospital every other day for various reasons, tiring but reassuring to know they are keeping such a close eye on the bump.

My baby has been breech (bum down) for several weeks now, along with making it near impossible to give birth naturally, breech babies are at risk of developing "clicky hips" (CDH, meaning a dislocation of the hips) a condition that can be minor and involve nothing more than wearing double nappies for a few weeks or can mean the baby will need to wear a splint to correct the condition...its impossible to tell if my baby has been affected by being breech until he/she arrives, but i add it to my list, now titled "things i cant control but will worry about anyway"

To correct the breech position my consultant offers to perform an ECV (External cephalic version) http://www.sdhct.nhs.uk/patientcare/pil/23660.pdf?last_updated=15%252F02%252F2008 where the baby is manipulated by hand OVER the bump to encourage he/she to do a forward/backwards roll into the head down position, this is an optional procedure, with no guarantees of success, but its the only option other than elective C-section, so i was more than willing to give it a try.

The procedure its self seems very back to basics, first the baby is scanned to see the exact position, then i was given an injection to loosen my womb & pelvis (the effects of the injection i can only liken to a temporary hangover, shaky hands and nausea, nothing i haven't self inflicted hundreds of times) the consultant then dons a plastic pinny and covers my bump with baby oil (the boyfriend is given the job of timing the doctor, prompting him when each minute passes, the manipulation (like a brisk massage) can only be performed for 3 minutes at a time, to avoid the baby getting distressed) i am instructed to lie back and relax (easier than it sounds in these circumstances) the doctor then begins.....

Having explained to the midwife i have been practising Hypnobirthing she and the Boyfriend suggested i use my breathing and visualisation techniques to relax me, i am told its essential not to tense up as this can add to any discomfort, i haven't attempted any of my Hypnobirthing under duress before, but every limb was so tense i gave it a go...the outcome is i now have a head down baby, in the engaged position, ready for a natural birth....I would describe my personal experience of the ECV as amazing, considering i have zero tolerance for pain, i would describe the physical feeling as short term moderate discomfort in a non invasive way...fingers crossed baby doesn't decide to practise its gymnastic skills and flip back!!

Midway through the week it was time for our final NCT class (we have been to the free NHS provided classes which have been wonderfully informative) this week included a tour around the women's wards and delivery suites, much to the boyfriends despair i fell for the oldest joke in the midwifes book.....we were warned not to worry if we heard any screaming or yelping during the tour as coming up to summer time a beautician comes in every Wednesday and does the midwives waxing and this was the explanation for the noise.....i thought this to be perfectly plausible and nodded to confirm my understanding (midwives need pampering too) and only realised it was a joke to disguise any labouring women screaming in pain when boyfriend and NCT teacher stared at me in disbelief....prompting the entire class to have a giggle at my expense, and boyfriend to shake his head in shame.

The room i most wanted to see on the tour of the Hospital was the delivery room, i needed to see exactly where i will be giving birth, i have a strong dislike for bright strip lighting....so walking into one of the brightly lit, stark white (immaculately clean) labour rooms was quite a shock. I hadn't expected cozy couches and fluffy pillows, but i hadn't bet on it being so clinical...i panicked, and couldn't hide my terror, when asked what i thought my immediate response was that it looked just like a torture chamber, the midwife/tour guide was quite taken aback at my response, as were the rest of the group, i wasn't kidding, this was no joke, i immediately felt terrified, tearful and wanted to leave, the midwife made attempts to demonstrate how the room could be made to look more inviting by dimming the lights and then i felt guilty, I was shocked at my own pathetic pansy reaction, and quickly pulled myself together...just in time for us to be shown the human size fishing net and hoist used to fish out and transport women from the birthing pool to the bed......less like Daryl Hannah in Splash, more beached whale....I have warned boyfriend i will NEVER forgive him if i end up in that thing, can you image the indignity??? soaking wet, naked and vulnerable and captured in a net like Free Willy.....don't laugh, oh go on then, just a little bit!

Complaint recieved, noted and understood

Numerous hospital visits this past week, combined with the fact i am still working full time, and trying to prepare for the impending birth of our baby had led me to be a little lapse with my blog.....but having recieved an official complaint from a regular reader, i have promised to buck up my ideas and blog with immediate effect......however my baby & the hospital care not for my time management and Bank Holiday brings with it ANOTHER hospital appointment, so tales of my ECV (baby turning) Last NCT/ Antenatel class, Baby Shower/scone eating contest aswell as my last minute melt downs will have to wait until this afternoon !!! 

Patience is a virtue after all  x

Essential Maintenance & preparation

8 Months exactly, and i have to be honest i am feeling the strain of being quite this big & heavy, never again will i take my ability to reach into the foot well of a car for granted. This week it was time for what i call essential foot maintenance (my pedicure) the wonderful Rebecca comes to my house and gives my feet and ankles a whole hour of TLC, if i was Prime Minister i would make pedicures available on the NHS at the later stages of pregnancy, as you have a physical inability to DIY, and your poor feet take the brunt of the added pressure day in day out, my own tootsies have taken to swelling up, taking my ankles down with them, most unattractive, people keep offering me sympathy "oh your poor swelled feet" but what i cant see doesn't hurt me, and when standing up my feet aren't visible to me at all, this weeks dark berry shade on my toe nails is purely for other people visual delight.
NB This isnt an affliction all pregnant women have to deal with, so dont panic, as the boyfriend says my feet have never been lithe....such a cad, isnt he?

We attended another NCT class this week, dedicated to feeding your new born, it should have been called "Breast is Best"
Now i love the miwife who holds the class (incidentally also called Joanne) she is warm, funny but to the point, she makes everything to do with having a baby seem a breeze, but she is an NHS midwife, therefor she is obligated to encourage women to breastfeed, although she insists they will equally help and guide you should you choose to bottle feed, they highlight the pro`s of breastfeeding so much, bottle feeding is left looking like the poor cousin., the North West, namely Merseyside has one of the lowest rates of breastfeeding mothers, I wonder if that statistic has anything to do with the fear of what breastfeeding is said to do to your assets aesthetically (ie droop / sag / disappear) ??
My personal intention is to stay very open minded, with my initial wish being to Breastfeed, for all the health benefits, as well as the practical ones (its free and without sounding crude, on tap) but if i cant/am unable for whatever reason, am not going to beat myself up about it, as with everything in life in the words of the lovely Doris Day, Que Sera Sera!

As of today my baby is still breach, so my birth plan is up in the air, incidentally my NCT midwife doesn't believe in birth plans for first time mums, she thinks they are restricting and unrealistic, her opinion is that we should prepare for the birth having been given sufficient information about all the analgesics available (she doesn't call them painkillers as the word pain is a dirrrrty word in our class) and then we can decide on the day.
I am booked in to have an ECV (External cephalic version) which involves a doctor externally manipulating my bump to turn my baby into an engaged position (head down in my pelvis) if this is unsuccessful its an elective C Section, which after all my Hypnobirthing sessions feels disappointing, but after speaking to my guru (my tongue in cheek name for my hypno teacher) she has assured me all the things i have learnt aren't wasted regardless of the final birth method, as they've helped me to have less anxiety during my pregnancy (which is true, i am virtually horizontal am so relaxed) and also my breathing and visualisation will help me prepare, should a C sections be unavoidable...this level of positive thinking should be available by the bottle, there is literally nothing i can say to my guru that she cant spin into a positive, all together now ooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmm